Week 30: I Don’t Have A Dad, But I Do Have A Father

Lately, many things have been revealed. I’ve been praying that I am able to give all my heart to God and that he fills up my heart with His love and uses me to His liking. My body is God’s, I am simply a physical manifestation needed so God can use me to carry out His work during this time on Earth. Once I really began to listen, the realization was this: first, my heart needs to be broken. Once broken I can then give it all to God who will mold and shape my broken heart into a new one. It took a few good heartaches to make thisheartbreak: loss, loss, and more loss. Guess I was more hard hearted than I realized. Nevertheless, with each new loss I give more Thanks to Him for my broken heart; sadness and grief is just what the Dr. ordered. As long as I can stay close to God and continually strengthen my relationship with Him and “chill” under His wing, my heart can break for Him as many times necessary.

With so many distractions, it’s easy to spend time in a whirlind of media, technology, and the infamous flashing lights. God has been blessing me with the slow tears of discipline, time, and realization. Although seemingly always busy, making time to spend with God does wonders for not just our spiritual needs, but ourselves on a holistic level–physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Last Sabbath was the semi-annual communion at Seomyeon SDA church. When my good friend, island woman, and missionary teacher Tina, asked during the foot washing ceremony what she could pray about, I knew she needed to know. Her eyes watered as I explained the recent losses of the Fuka family and how Amelia was like a mom to many and a woman close and dear to my heart. After her sweet prayer and during communion, I was finally able to properly grieve the earthly death of Amelia Fuka. On top, the communion held new meaning for me as I ate the bread, the body of Christ. Guilt and pain encapsulated me with each ‘crunch’ of the bread. That was me, tearing into Christs body and especially broken heart, during his Crucifixion. My renewal to Christ to consciously make better choices and thus, walk His walk are very real and needed, though not always simple. Nevertheless, I hated to think I was the cause of so much of His pain on the cross due to my error in judgement and character.

The other day , I listened for the first time during prayer. A life long struggle regarding the lack of father, Tran Van Thieu, was addressed. While listening humbly, I heard, “…I am your Father now.” How wonderful and beautiful is that. God is my Father. He has revealed Himself to me, and I am not alone.

Week 25: SDA Busan Church Family

International Family 🙂

It’s no doubt the church family has really kept me grounded (literally) in Korea. After weeks of whirl-wind craziness in the workplace, the Sabbath rest truly is a blessing and that rest I very much need. Week after week, I would end the Sabbath super-refreshed and recharged. Church and especially spending quality time with church family has been the biggest weekly blessing received in Korea. I’m so grateful there are church members I can turn to any day for spiritual support and advice.  What may seem like a small action really can have the biggest impacts on our lives. The Adventist church family teaches the truth in love (reference to the Acapella song–check it out, it’s def worth the listen) and for that Mahalo, mucho amor, and thanks for helping to shape my continually growing faith.

The church fam on a picnic early summer

Remembering the first day entering an SDA church, SDA members have always been really friendly and filled with a lot of love.

A language student, Prof Palmer, and Charlie on a Busan beach.

It’s nice to be able to hang out with church fam outside of church as well. Here we went to a buffet for dinner after spending the whole sabbath at Haeundae beach.

The Pastor’s Wife, Sky, and I. For whatever reason when I travel internationally the pastors wife and I always become very close 🙂

Church sister, Anna Kang, Me, Megan and her husband Bob Palmer

Week 23: Intensely Hitting The 5 Month Mark

Why is five month more important than 4,3,2 or 1 months? For starters, I have never lived anywhere overseas longer than 5 months.

• High school summer exchange program, Costa Rica: 2 months
• Jr. college year abroad, fall semester, Uruguay: 5 months
• Mission trip during summer vacation, Peru: 2 months
• Jr. colege year abroad, spring semester, Argentina: 5 months
• After college/before Korea, I-know-it’s-not-a different-country-from-the -USA-but-it-might-as-well-should-be, Hawaii: 5 months
• Full time English teacher, since May 2008, South Korea: now 5 months.

In South America, as much as I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE(D) Uruguay and Argentina, by the end of my stay I was itching to leave. Same goes for Hawai’i; I didn’t care how much the sun, surf, and sand filled that rock I needed to LEAVE wayyyyyyyyy before I did. Now, I’ve survived 5. whole. months. Trust me, I contemplate leaving my job and this country on a very regular basis, more times than I care to admit. Nevertheless, since I have pinpointed this habit, I see it as a weakness, as a desire to keep running. For those of you who have met me in person, even briefly, it’s not hard to figure out I constantly challenge myself–at least regarding my psyche.

This past week has been INTENSE. Exhausted, stressed, and confused, I finally turned to God for the answer. What does He want of me? What is His will? How will He manifest himself thru me? I spend the Sabbath in amazing prayer, song, and meditation. How God manifested himself is simply humbling and AMAZING. Once I let God ‘in,’ and not just saying it but living it, He doesn’t hesitate in keeping his end of the relationship. The Bible is not dead–it is LIVING and Breathing. You can’t convince me, either, that everything I prayed about only to open up my Bible to the page and see the same words I was using or clear answer is a coincidence. Coincidences happen once in a while…not constantly, right? Anyways, to make my loooooooong stories short, I’ve been in Korea over 5 months now and it’s no surprise to anyone who has seen me in Korea that I am tired, worn out, and overworked. The conclusion to this weekend of intense time spent in His name and talking with my loved friends and family was to call my boss Sunday night with a proposal for a re-negotiation of my contract. I will find out by the end of the week if my offer of one class less per day (for a total of 9 classes–still a lot, but manageable) is approved. Of course it will come with a pay cut, but in the end, what is more important: my health, happiness, and sanity, or an extra G? Besides, I’d end up using that extra cash to pay for doctor’s visits, counseling sessions, and anger management classes by years end if I continue in Korea the way I have been the past 5 months.

Although I could potentially dip out, I’m seeing where God is going with this one. This past weekend I’ve had a great Sabbath and rekindling with my Lord, so… Although living here presents many challenges which I will spare you the details of my soapbox rant, I intend to push past this fifth month and onto the HALFWAY POINT: 6 months. and who knows….I mean God can move mountains…so I don’t doubt his ability to change my perspectives…I could end up not wanting to leave Korea! Well, let’s not jump ahead of ourselves now lolz but ya know…;) much love.

My desk

The teacher’s office–20 teachers in one room with kids running in and out.